wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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