Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
