we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
