how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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