How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
