$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize