Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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