dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
