So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize