Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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