Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
