i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
