he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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