Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
