is your mom at the bar?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize