the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
