For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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