I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my being single is dangerous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
