this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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