I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
