and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
