Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
