Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
