My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize