I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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