Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
