but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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