I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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