I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
