What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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