I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
