Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
