he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
