She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
