the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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