I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
