If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
