My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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