If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
