Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize