Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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