You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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