I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
