Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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