Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
