Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
