I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
