You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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