I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
