im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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