I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would ride that face into the sunset
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
