i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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