doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
