she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
