Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize