I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
