is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
