People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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