actually, I'm a sock model
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
