I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
