What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
