Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
