so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
