Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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