SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
