yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
