Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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