My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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