sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
