yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
