I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
