So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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