I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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