LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
