Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
