Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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