haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He felt like a one man threesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
