I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
