Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
