Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
