it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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