You made me cry and you don't even care
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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