Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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