he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
