i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
