Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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