do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
