sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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