Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We got so high we made milksteak
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
