So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
