And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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