Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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