Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
