I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
