How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
