Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
