I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
