Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
