my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Boobs speak an international language.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
