My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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