sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
