i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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