I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize