My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
