i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
