Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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