I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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