I look better un-naked...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
