i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
