need another drink. this is the easiest way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
