On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
