youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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