you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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