um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
false alarm, still single
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