She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
