last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
